Anyways, Christmas was TONS of fun, but also incredibly exhausting because I had to do a lot of Santa work. Unfortunately, we have cats that love drinking milk so we couldn't leave out the normal milk and cookies for Santa - so my little sister suggested we leave Dr. Pepper out LMAO!! I wrapped her Santa presents, ate the giant cookie she made, and drank the DP (which had me up till maybe 3am - my sister woke us up at 5:30 in the morning!!! WTF.) We also did Elf on the Shelf again this year, so I had to write a cute goodbye letter. The elf is suppose to leave with Santa the night of Christmas Eve, but I found a goodbye letter online that mentioned allowing the elf to be touched just for
one day (ur not suppose to touch them or they'll lose their christmas magic apparently) so I of course had to do this for my sister. She got up christmas day and was FREAKING OUT over finally being able to touch the elf. She was hugging it and showing it all of her presents - very cute and soooo worth it. I got lots of really cool gifts from my family and boyfriend! Some of my top favorites was the weight blanket, portable speaker, and Ohuhu art markers from my mom ((-,; I also got one of the American McGee Alice figures that I mentioned in my last blog post!!! My boyfriend got me the white rabbit one and ITS SO CUTE AND PERFECT I AM OBSESSED!! he also got me these cute mary jane platform shoes and the most perfect long sleeve top that I've been wanting for sooo long. Very thankful for everything ahhhhh!
Corey is really into UFC, so I found these SUPERRRR cool bootleg style shirts for three of his favorite fighters. They're soooo sick, I wish I could steal them for myself lol. My family and I also got him a cute flannel jacket and carhartt hat - HE LOOKS SO GOOD WTF. I can't wait to spoil him more for his birthday and Valentine's day ahhhhh!!!!!!ALSO!! I found out that Alanis Morissette and Joan Jett & the Blackhearts are playing together in June!!!!! I immediately bought tickets for my mom and I - we're both SUPER excited!!
As usual, I did some end of the year tarot readings for myself to reflect, let go, and realign for the new year. These readings went really well and I was able to connect with a lot of the guidance it gave. The results were as follows:
Who I was / am / will be
Waning Moon Spread
Year Ahead Spread (1-12 represent months)
Okay BYe!! I'm gonna go get my midnight kiss!!
XoxOxo,
Tay
Feeling: grateful and serene
Song: M - Pop Musik & John Williams - Across the Stars (Love Theme from Star Wars)
After eating 
we decided to walk around a bit, which was so nice. I often get very caught up in my own little world, so taking a mental break outside was much needed - very grounding. While we were out and about, I kept seeing butterflies everywhere! I've always taken it as a sign of good energy or being on the right path but that's just my own interpretation. Butterflies have been a signficant 
figure to me every since I was little. My mother hand painted various butterflies along the tops of my walls in my childhood bedroom and her and I have matching butterfly jewelry. We also found some tiny mushrooms at the park, so cute!! It's been so magical seeing fairy rings or other mushrooms popping up and watching the leaves falling off the trees. The trees have been so beautiful recently with all these different shades of orange and red, it's been making my car rides so much more enjoyable. The weather has been cooling off more and more too ugh finally!!! As much as I love fall, I can't wait for winter. Admittedly I have alrady started decorating for christmas teeheee. I use to hate the idea of decorating too earlier, but I've caved in and can't hold in the christmas excitement any longer.
Okay, back to recent events! I felt like doing a little bit of shopping, so Corey suggested visiting a local antique store. As always this man comes up with perfect ideas because I left that store with some solid finds! I first found a really cool 1979 record album by M (first song listed above) and I'm absolutely in love with it - very funky!! Next, I found a 1977 vinyl of the Star Wars soundtrack by John Williams & the London Symphony Orchestra - SICK AS FUCK. Yes, I immediately played the Cantina Band when I got home. Lastly, I found the Under the Table and Dreaming by Dave Mathews Band CD - nostalgic. There was a TON of other stuff I wanted, like this set of American McGee Alice figures OMFG ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!?!? WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?!?! Unfortunately, the one I wanted was like $80 I think. If it is meant to be, it WILL happen. YOU HEAR ME UNIVERSE?! Anyways, in all it was a wonderful day with Corey. We ended things by watching more Harry Potter. We're half way through the fourth movie in the series, things be getting crazzzy.
Last thing I would like to note, I'M GONNA SEE MELANIE MARTINEZ IN MAY!!!!! AHHHHH!!! I brought up the Trilogy Tour to Corey back when the presale was announced and then completely forgot about it till today when there was likeeee 100 seats left. Thankfully we copped decent seats before it was too late AHHH!!!! I'm so excited to get all dressed up and have such a magical time (-,: constantly crossing things off my bucket list this year, I hope next year is the same way.
hope ur doing well, talk soon xoxox
Feeling: Productive, I'm ready to go homeee
Song: Making Out - No Doubt & $uicideboy$ x Germ - My Swisher Sweet, But My Sig Sauer
Thankfully the semester is almost over, can't wait to be on winter break. I finally signed up for my spring semester classes and booked an appointment with my advisor, both are things I have been avoiding like the plague. I knew I was approaching the end of my time in college, but I didn't think I had ONE class left to graduate. I thought I had one last full course load left, but nope! Both excited and super scared to start my career. Not entirely sure what I'm gonna do yet, theres a lot of options out there for me given my degree.
The coffee shop I'm at is constantly playing banger after banger, right now they're playing She Hates Me by Puddle of Mudd - a 2000's dad rock CLASSIC!! One thing about me is I'm obsessed with that era of music, which I often refer to as "dad rock" or "butt rock"... yes, butt rock. Basically any grunge, nu-metal, heavy metal, or alternative rock from the 90's to the early 2010's. I'm especially obsessed with Papa Roach, Korn, Deftones, Disturbed, and Godsmack but I often cycle through other stuff. Check out my mega playlist of the best dad rock HERE!
Life has been extra sweet lately, yesterday Corey and I played some Super Mario Wonder and it was so FUN!! It was my first time playing any Super Mario game like that and I wasn't sure I would enjoy it, but thank god I do! I miss playing games all the time )-: I just don't have the time and attention span for it right now with school and various other responsibilities being at the forefront of my mind. Maybe that'll change soon when I go on break! Apparently Rockstar is releasing a GTA 6 trailer soon!!
Super excited to see what that's all about, but it also reminds me of how much time has passed since the good ole days of playing GTA 4 and 5 all the time. 5 came out TEN years ago - I feel so old.Okie dokie I'm tired of using ma brain - gonna go home and get cozy in bed
Byee for now!
Soon I will officially be 23 yrs old, which feels right and wrong at the same time ugh!! This past year of life has been a rollercoaster of growth and development. I'm very proud of the list of things I have worked so hard to overcome and heal, especially with my own self-love and worth. I'm also very proud of how far I have come within my education! I'll be graduating and starting my career soon!! lots and lots of big changes on the horizon (-:
Yesterday we celebrated my sister and I's birthdays with some family and friends. It was so much fun spending time with everyone, especially my aunt and uncle. They're one of my many favs (-,: I love that my sister and I have birthdays a week apart from each other, so we just celebrate on the same day every year.
I love standing next to her while everyone is singing happy birthday to us, and then we blow out our candles at the same time. We've been doing it together for 8 years now and I hope we keep doing it for the rest of our lives.
As always my friends, family, and boyfriend popped off when getting me things omggg! My parents got me a new record player, vinyl storage case, and a little radio so I can finally mess with all of my vinyls and CDs! Currently listening to my radio and Symptom of Being Human by Shinedown is play, which has me thinking about when Corey and I saw them live earlier this month. Now HONEY (ARE YOU COMING?) by Måneskin is on UGH sooo many good songs right now!! Makes me think about when I would open up my windows on breezy days and clean my room with my little hot pink radio blarring when I was a kid. Looking back, that's how my mom spent her days cleaning the house. I'm still like that today, feels nice knowing I'm so much like her.I don't know what this next year of life holds for me, but I trust that the universe knows what is best. I'm more excited for what's to come than anything, but I'm sure things will shift towards uncertainty and stress at some points. That's just life. I can't wait for my next
birthday so I can come back here and reflect. How are you doing future me? Are you content with life right now? When was the last time you had Panera Bread? Take care of yourself!Okay I'm gonna go eat cake and binge watch spooky things, highly recommend that House of Usher show on Netflix btw! It was pretty wild.
12:00 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEE
Talk s0on xoxo
Take me wherever you can and I'll always tag along
You make it easy to choose
You turn my red into my blues, even my mother approves"
Currently sitting in my Family, Work, & Gender class and I am just toooo tired to pay attention right now, but I need to do something so I don't fall asleep. I didn't go to bed till maybe 2am last night and I had to wake up at 7am for class, so I'm pretty exhausted.
Life has been very chill lately. My poor toe is doing sooo much better! Was fully convinced it was mangled for a minute there, but she's okay (-,: I was super worried that it would still be fucked up by the time the Papa Roach and Shinedown concert comes, but I think we're in the clear.
I went shopping with my boyfriend recently! We sorta spontaneously decided to go to 5 Below and Target over the weekend and it was so nice (-: my honey bought me a Keroppi plush that's dressed like a vampire - HOW CUTE!! Also got a super cute black, floral top and sailor moon socks (precious). I love collecting small sanrio figures, so we also got me a little pop star hello kitty figure!
My honey and I are in the process of redecorating his room, so he got a cute mushroom neon light and super colorful little lantern light. We went to Target after and oh lord the money I spent! I didn't even get that many things, but jeez was it expensive. Corey helped me pick out new lilac graphic eyeliner (i love asking his opinion on things, he actually gives me a genuine answer plus I love watching him think) so I can add a pop of color in my makeup. Also found a super cute maroon tiny tank top and skort, but I forgot to ask an employee to take the security tag off the top )-,: so at some point I have to go back and fix that. There was a SUPEr cute black knitted cardigan that I decided to pass up on, but I think I'm gonna get that when i go back too (-;
We also found the sickest Twilight grahpic tee omfggg I flipped tf out when I saw it!!
ALSO who tf was gonna tell me JESSE MCCARTNEY was in Fear the Walking Dead?!?! obviously I'm obsessed with him again now lol
Class is almost over thank god!! I can't wait to go home and sleeeeep
Bye besties,
xoxo TAy
Feeling: sad
Song: Blu DeTiger - Cotton Candy Lemonade & Dazy & Militarie Gun - Pressure Cooker (Remix)
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And the cherry on top of this small sad sundae is when I dropped my laptop on my pinky toe and fuckked up my nail omfg!! It hurt so bad, I initially thought I broke my damn toe. Thankfully its okay, but the nail and my mental state are not! I do not handle injuries well at all, so I've just been crying about this all day like a big baby )-,:
School has been going pretty well! I really enjoy the handful of classmates that I talk to, it's been helping me a ton with consistently getting out of my comfort zone. I'm really looking forward to the seasons changing omgg I really want to decorate my room soon. My mom and I love halloween, so we always set up this super cute spooky town - can't wait for that!! I'm also super excited about seeing House of 1000 Corpses with some friends in october! Its playing in theaters for the first time in like 20 yrs I think, so thats gonna be sick af (-:
byeee,
xoxo Tay
I'm gonna show you how this Italian amor
Is gonna love you harder than ever before
You will li-i-i-i-ike it,
We're gonna get sky-high and create a new world
Where somebody might die, but nobody gets hurt
And if it sounds good for you, baby, just say the word
You will li-i-i-i-i-ike it (Ah)"
Just finished my second week of the semester and its been alright. I've been introducing myself to a lot of people and really putting myself out there, which feels so good and I'm really proud of myself. I use to be so scared of talking to anyone, but this year has been filled with so much healing and growing my confidence. I still have my bad days just like everyone else, but things have been so good lately!! Very happy with how life has been progressing for me (:
A lot of new things are on the horizon right now, especially with school. I have two semesters left before I graduate and I'm super excited to step into a new chapter of my life where school isn't my number one priority. I'm absolutely terrified about it all at the same time because I'll be searching for a job and that lingering feeling that I'm not adequate enough is definitly there. I know that's just the anxiety and dumb self-doubt talking, but it's still there. I know in the end everything will work out, I have so much support ♡
The Shinedown and Papa Roach concert is getting closer and closer and I'm SO EXCITED
!Been getting the urge to get a new piercing recently, I think I want a forward helix or orbital conch. I've always wanted an industrial bar, but that seems like a lot. I dunno, I'm just in the mood for some change.
Anyways, back to my usual hot bitch programming (stardew valley and binge watching Lost)!
later nerdz xoxo,
- Tay
Are you out there?
Yesterday was so much fun! Amy, Haley, Cori, and I all went to see Barbie on the big screen and omggg it was so good!! We cried sooo many times too ugh lol I kept thinking about my mom, our relationship, my sister and how she's growing up so fast. Very bittersweet in all the best ways
there was a lot of empowering talk about the role women play in a very masculine driven society. Lots of deep shit that also made me cry ((-,: love being a woman, its so totally amazing! (/s).Decided to dress cute for the movies too - was giving emo-grunge barbie! I wore my brown docs with it (vv cute) and by the time I got home later into the night, the bottoms of them were starting to come off again ))-: they're my mom's old work boots, so they're like a little over 20 years old at this point (vintage wooo!!) I never expected them to survive for much longer. Thought maybe I could get another year or two before repairs would become more frequent but oh well. I will never get rid of them though, no matter how scraggly they become!!
My fall semester starts next week. Feeling more and more anxious as it approaches, but I know I'll be okay. Hopefully this semester won't be anywhere near as stressful as my last semester omgg! I had to take public speaking and although it did help me develop better speaking skills, it was still absolute hell.
Still wrapping my head around the fact that I have two semesters left before I graduate with my BS in Psych and a minor in sociology (-,: wow! Very scared about the process of leaving school, applying to jobs, doing interviews, getting a job, etc. Pretty much everything about being a full on adult is terrifying. I'll survive though, I always do.
Super excited for october this year!! I'm going to a concert to see Shinedown, Papa Roach, and Spiritbox!!! Freaking tf out cause I'm slowly healing my inner child by seeing all these bands that I was obsessed with growing up, especially Papa Roach omfgg!! I will go completely feral when they play ...To Be Loved. Then later into the month it'll be my birthday!! I don't know what I'm gonna do to celebrate, maybe get drinks with the girls?? dress up and go to Numbers??
Okay i'm gonna go get a lil baked
and binge watch Lost lol highly recommend, its so dumb but still sooo good! I watched this video about The Lost Experience awhile back and it got me hooked. On season 2 now and omfg i hate Locke so much.XOX0X,
Byeeee
Feeling: happy & lazy
Song: Disturbed - Stricken & Breaking Benjamin - Blow Me Away (so nostalgic omggg)
Yesterday I went to a Jinger, Breaking Benjamin, and Disturbed concert with Haley and her mom! I dressed soooo cute omg I had a maroon halter top, black skirt, chain belt, and black chunky sandals ugh! I felt so HOT!
We got there a little late, so we didn't get to see Jinger and most of the set for Breaking Benjamin, but I still got to see the last two songs for BB. Soooo happy about that! There were so many people there omg! I think that's the most amount of people I have ever seen at a concert (Sublime might've had more idk), it was insane.
Life has been feeling bittersweet and whirly lately, but in a good way??? but very slightly in a bad way too? maybe that's normal to a degree. Not very excited to start this fall semester. Happy to get back on a normal routine of things, but not happy about summer ending and being one step closer to finishing school. Being in the adult world is fun and so so so scary.
Anyways, hope ur doing well darlin' (-:
talk soon x0xo
Feeling: silly and most def goofy (i ate an edible)
Song: PlayStation Jungle Mix & Classic 90s Acid House (look at 16 min mark)
Honorable Mention: Slightly Stoopid - 2AM
Howdy there!
Amy, Haley, and I went to a Sublime with Rome and Slighly Stoopid concert on friday!! I had to drive an hour away, which was fairly stressful and I hit the biggest fuckin' pothole ever omg! That was very scary lol I thought I fucked up my car, but thankfully everything was okay... that I know of (-: anyways, as soon as we got to the venue we started sweating like crazy jfc it was soooo hot outsite! We got lawn seats, so we set up Amy's picnic blanket and made ourselves comfy. We got to watch The Movement and Atmosphere open up for Slightly Stoopid and Sublime. They really set the mood for the rest of the night.
Slightly Stoopid came on and that's when everyone really started sparkin' up!
The music was sooo good, I couldn't stop closing my eyes and swaying to it! They had all sorts of cool and trippy visuals on a big screen on stage too. The vibes were just *chefs kiss*.
By the time Sublime with Rome came out it was already dark outside and the lights for the show were BLINDING. Every couple of minutes I'd get flash-banged by a purple strobe light (rip to the ppl closer to the stage). Every single song played was AMAZING - so surreal! Rome played a new unreleased song called "Tangerine Sunrise" (i think???) and it was beautiful (-,: such a nice memory made with my gurlz!
It was starting to get pretty late, so we left a tad bit early and missed a few of the classics but we got to hear them loud and clear on the walk back to the car. A handful of other people were singing along to the song with us and at one point we were all harmonizing n shit! omg that was so cute and wholesome, we were all giggling.
I'm very thankful that I get to have these experiences becuase it wasn't that long ago that I was absolutely terrified to do such things. My anxiety was horrible and I was starting to accept that I just wouldn't ever get past it enough to do the things I daydreamed about - like going to a concert. I've conquered so many of my fears ahhh i'm so proud (-,:
Bands I've Seen Live:
Orion Sun
Remi Wolf
Escape The Fate
Hollywood Undead
Falling in Reverse
Papa Roach
The Movement
Atmosphere
Slightly Stoopid
Sublime with Rome
Breaking Benjamin
Disturbed
Feeling: grateful & loved
Song: Mac Miller - When in Rome & Mazzy Star - Fade Into You
Today was so nice! Some friends and I went to a park to celebrate our friend Sax's birthday! It was hot as fuck, but we still had lots of fun catching up, being goofy, and snackin' on some yummy food. Amy and Sax brought outdoor mats and a blanket, so we all sat under a tree and wrote sweet things in each other's journals (-:
Eventually everyone had to leave but Sax, Amy, and I stayed for a bit longer to soak up some sun (i got a sunburn on my back rip 
) and relax with each other before the day ended. We listened to the cicadas chirping in the trees, found silly things in the clouds, and got invaded by ants. At some point, we started listening to guided meditations and did some box breathing exercises. At first I had a hard time letting go of the tension and discomfort in my body, but after awhile I could feel myself becoming more grounded and connected with Sax and Amy. We all had such euphoric and etheral moments during the 20 of so minutes of us meditating. I threw in some yoga as well, so now I'm feeling soo much better. My chest doesn't feel so heavy and tight. That moment with them will forever live in a special place in my heart. I feel like it brought us even closer together.
"Love is without reason;
rationality is like a cane.
When love arrives, thought dies in its shadow.
Love is the sunrise, while thought is only a flashing light."
- RUMI
Amy, Haley, and I went to our local library recently, which I have never been to, and it was so cool! I got a library card and two books - Sailor Moon & What My Mother and I Don't Talk About by Michele Filgate. Very excited about both, especially the Filgate one. The book is a collection of essays that various people had submitted that are all related to their experiences in life and how it has shaped their relationships with their mothers. This is an aspect of my own trauma that I never acknowleged until i discovered this book, so I'm curious to see how it sheds light on everything. Hopefully I can finish reading both books soon teeheee reading is not my favorite thing ever by any means, but I'm up for the challenge lol
Anyways, life has been good and I'm very thankful for what it has been offering me the past few months. I'm grateful for the people I surround myself with. People who always give me endless love and support. I'm very thankful for myself because I have been feeling more and more like my true self and I've been making amazing efforts to be my most authentic self. Choosing the love for myself over the perspectives/opinions/validation of others.
Speaking of life, my friend Cori did a little tarot reading for me at the park! Didn't exactly align with my life at this moment, but the future is open to many possibilities. Was kinda sp00ky that I got all reverse cards though lmaoo.
Past: The World (R) -- Present: 5 of Wands (R) -- Future: Ace of Pentacles (R)
* additional card pulled - Strength (R)*
- X0XO BYEe TAlK So0N
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Feeling: content & grateful
Song: Tommy & Piri - nice 2 me & Y Kant Tori Read - Floating City
Had such a nice day with Amy! Awhile back we decided to start going to the gym together, which was going well for a bit but we fell off track recently. Summer is coming closer and closer to an end, so we gotta hit the gym as much as possible before work and school start up for us. We agreed to go workout this moring, which was a bit rough because I was so tired and did not want to be out in the world. We eventually got to the gym and really popped tf off. We did a bunch of stuff that was new to us and it wasn't scary at all (-,: wow love that for us! In the end, I felt really good and was happy I got my lazy ass out of bed. Amy and I hung out for bit after the gym, she made me super yummy french toast omg!! I love when she cooks because it ALWAYS tastes good and you can tell she puts so much love into it ♡ I cleaned up the house some and then spent the rest of my day watching movies and relaxing.
I'm very grateful for the fact that I can have good days like this. There was a period of time were I thought I'd never truly get to have all of these wonderful experiences due to the mental fog of depression. What makes these moments even better is having someone like amy there to encourage my growth. A lot of my new experiences or steps towards conquering my anxiety has been with the helping hand of amy. So much love ahhhhhhh
Missing haley tons ): where's bingo bitch?!?! (i see them all the time, but its been one day apart - sobbing 
)
Anyways, hope you had a good day too.
talk soon xoxox
Feeling: Baked
Song: Mac Demarco - Chamber of Reflection & The Beaches - Blame Brett
I dunno dawg, this edible is kicking in and life is just crazy. We really out here existing on a rock in space right now. Scary. Beautiful. Weird.
Talk SOon XoXo
Feeling: Peaceful
Song: Easha - Manic Pixie Dream Girl & Melanie Martinez - Void
I've been having so much fun creating my site! Its all I think about honestly lol code is just running through my brain 24/7. I started sharing my progress with my friends Amy and Haley, which led Amy to creating her own site! Highly recommend checking it out! Its been so cool watching her develop a unique style while incorporating all of her own aesthetics. Its also been really nice being able to talk about the design process with someone who gets it! Amy is spending the night, so we've just been typing away next to each other while listening to music. These are the times I appreciate most, where we're existing in our own little worlds but still enjoying each others company
.Anyways, a lot of my time has been spent doing self care, yoga, sleeping, working on this site, and hanging out with my girlies! I really miss going to the club with them, so I've been thinking about going out sometime soon. Haley and Amy dress up as super cute clowns when they go out and they always have so much fun, so I think I'm gonna join the circus shenanigans! Haley's clown-sona name is Bingo, Amy's is either Bongo or Ringo depending on the night, and I think my clown name is gonna be Bam - short for Bamboozle !
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Feeling: Happy & Loved
Song: Avril Lavigne - What The Hell & Sean Kingston - Fire Burning
