December 2, 2025 6:45PM 
Feeling: festive, appreciative, & tired
Songs: Miley Cyrus - Last Christmas (Wham! cover) & Wolf Alice - Sofa
Feeling: festive, appreciative, & tired
Songs: Miley Cyrus - Last Christmas (Wham! cover) & Wolf Alice - Sofa
Hello hello!!
It's been A LONG TIME since I last wrote on my blog omgg many things have happened that I need to fill you in on.
To start, I want to give a little shout out to my girl Vampyt - they've been working really hard to build up their website and it's inspired me to get back into mine, or at least update my blog lol check them out! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°
I GOT INTO THE MASTERS PROGRAM!!!! I had been waiting soooo long to hear back about things and was starting to feel a bit doubtful UNTIL I received an email guiding me into the next step of the application process - the interview! It felt so relieving to have gotten to that point, but that was quickly swallowed by nervousness. I looked up so many potential interview questions and topics I thought would be relevant, literally printed out several cheat sheets to help me get in the right head space. I also dressed super professional with a satin sage green button up and black slacks, took my piercings out, and did my hair a bit - I wanted to look my best and show that I am taking all of this very seriously.
The interview was about 30 minutes long and hardly any of the things I used to prepare with were used, so I was coming up with things on the spot. I spoke about my time volunteering at the hotline and my interviewer seemed to really like what I had to say. A few days later I received an acceptance email from the director of the program! I remember sitting in the car rider line at my sister's school just chatting with Tori on the phone. We were rambling about something and I noticed a notification from my email, I could not believe what I was reading when I checked. I remember saying "oh my god... oh my god! OH MY GOD!!" over and over again - just pure shock and joy. I eventually told Tori and many of my other friends and family. Word travelled far in my family, it felt so nice having everyone congratulate me and express how proud they are. I believe my grandma said I'm the first female to be getting a masters degree in the family, which made things even more sentimental. I'm incredibly fortunate to have this life, resources, and ability to reach such high goals like this. .gif)
WOW!!!@
It was recently my sister and I's birthday! She was born on the 24th while I'm on the 30th of October, like a week apart and 15 yr age difference. She turned 10 and I 25 ｡◕ ‿ ◕｡ I'm so honored to watch my little sister grow into the little lady she is, but she will always always always be my baby!! I love seeing how her personality has grown, but god I wish I could hold her in my arms again like when she was itty bitty. It feels wild being 25 now. I honestly don't quite feel my age at the moment, I still very much feel freshly 24. That will probably change once I start my program and eventually begin my internship (SCARY!!!!). I celebrated my birthday and halloween at my favorite 80s darkwave goth club with my favorite people!! I dressed as Tiffany Valentine and Tori dressed as hot Chucky - we looked sooooo good together omg!! Everyone looked amazing!! The club got scarily packed, so we unfortunately left around midnight. I did not want to subject my group to that chaos, plus while I was holding Tori's hand through the crowd this random lady looked me dead in the eyes and said "you need to let go of your friend." SAY WHAT!?!??!! You want me to let go of my girl amongst this insane crowd of people?!?! She wasn't even nice about it, like 'hey can I pass through?' or something... Anyways, it was a great night and I got to mark having my birthday at my fav club off my bucket list. Alongside getting a year older, Corey and I celebrated our 2 yr anniversary in early September!! The summer time is the only time we aren't celebrating many things - Sept 2nd: anniversary / Oct 30th: birthday / Christmas / Jan 30th: Corey's birthday / Feb 14th: Valentine's day
To get a bit serious and a tad more personal, I've been having some mild health stuff going on since early September. I won't be giving details on what I've been dealing with, but it was really pushing the limits of my mental health. I felt incredibly low and the realization that the roots of my anxiety and OCD go much deeper than I thought. I have a very hard time sitting with uncertainty and not being able to have control over certain things. The process of getting help from various doctors has been a torturous waiting game for me. I'm trying to adapt and teach myself how to sit and exist with these big feelings. There are days or moments when I feel empowered to push through, but there are times when I have just cried for hours on end because I grieve the person I was before all of this physical and mental discomfort. The version of me that didn't have all of these worries and experiences, but alas that isn't very productive thinking because I obviously can't go back in time and I never knew any of this would happen - it's unavoidable to a degree. But I've been prevailing in the end - I got to therapy almost weekly, I adopt and use a crap ton of
coping mechanisms cause sometimes box breathing isn't gonna fix my existential crisis. I've found that bilateral tapping, sigh breathing, sensory stims, listening to Miley Cyrus, and painting have been very helpful in grounding me when I'm spiraling. I've been going for walks more and gently pushing myself to do various things that will make me feel good in the long run, like taking my supplements and cleaning my environment. It's all a process of learning and slowly overcoming. I must say I'm grateful and blessed that my health is mostly good, many of my results have come back clear of any major problems.
In more recent news, Thanksgiving just passed and it was a great one! Corey and I spent the first half of the holiday with his side of the family, and then we drove over to my grandparent's to have dinner with my side of the family. We had such a great time with everyone, ugh! Core memory now! Prior to seeing our families, I had the urge to call my grandma, which I always feel, but I kept hesitating because I get so anxious talking on the phone. I've gotten A LOT better in recent years, but it's still hard when it's someone I don't see regularly. My grandma has lived states away for many years now, so I miss her extra around the holidays. I've been listening to christmas music constantly and my favorite song is Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee and one of my favorite lyrics is "everyone dancin' merrily" because my grandma's name is Merilee (◡‿◡✿) TLDR; everything makes me think about my grandma so I called her and told her how much I love her. She's an actual goddess to me, a queen. I have her eyes, her smile lines, her hands, part of her personality, her interests, etc. I strive to be like her in so many ways - so generous, kind, soft spoken, nosey lol, and gentle. For years we have joked that we're gonna move in together and have bunk beds. Words cannot and will never capture the love I have for her.
Alongside the love I have for my family, I also have a lot towards my friends. I'm grateful to be in a position where I've reconnected with some and I'm going into them with much more maturity and accountability. I hold a lot of regrets towards my past decisions that were coming from a place of avoidance that transformed into nasty resentment and unspoken hurt. Although I hate the outcomes of certain things due to hindsight, I still hold gratitude
towards them because it allowed me to have deep, productive discussions that gave me the opportunity to reflect. I learned to remove my ego and reactive emotions so that I can understand and grow with the people I care about, rather than against. I'm not perfect and there are still many things I have to see and learn, but I'm choosing to transform instead of remaining stagnant. It is often a painful process, but it is incredibly fulfilling in the end. With it being the end of the year, I've been very reflective of who I was at the beginning of the year versus now - I believe I'm better than who I was yesterday and the day before and the many days before that - for that I am proud. I hope I make others proud as well.
I'm all weepy eyed now lol anywho, I have new student orientation next week and it's making me realize just how close I am to starting my program. I'll be taking two classes for the first semester as a pre-requisite to the many other courses. I also signed up for some sociology courses for a certificate I'll be getting outside of the program, so things will be kinda busy which I'm looking forward to as it will give me even more structure to my daily life. I probably won't think this when I'm hours deep into studying, but I'm happy to be in an academic setting again. I'm hoping to connect with my superiors, professors, and classmates especially since I didn't do much of that during my four years in college. These peers will be doing similar things as me career wise, so connecting will be easier I hope.
I think that's about it for now. I'm looking.gif)
forward to christmas a lot this year cause I got my family such great gifts!! I hate having to wait, but it'll be worth it in the end. I got Corey and I a gingerbread house kit, so I'm also excited for that - our new annual holiday activity alongside seeing Christmas lights. I'm very thankful that Corey shares the festive spirit, he makes everything so much more magical (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)♡ Looking forward to having friendsgiving this friday with Corey and the people we love! We're doing it Talladega Nights style lol everyone is bringing some kind of fast food like they did in that movie. I hope to god we watch it while we all hang out UGH!!
ALSO!! I've written some poetry since my last blog post, so go check that out >HERE< !!!! I have some things in the vault waiting to be revised a bit then published, be on the look out for more!! You can also check out the digital collages I make for most of my poems >HERE<
Thanks!!
talk soon,
xoxoxox
It's been A LONG TIME since I last wrote on my blog omgg many things have happened that I need to fill you in on.
To start, I want to give a little shout out to my girl Vampyt - they've been working really hard to build up their website and it's inspired me to get back into mine, or at least update my blog lol check them out! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°
I GOT INTO THE MASTERS PROGRAM!!!! I had been waiting soooo long to hear back about things and was starting to feel a bit doubtful UNTIL I received an email guiding me into the next step of the application process - the interview! It felt so relieving to have gotten to that point, but that was quickly swallowed by nervousness. I looked up so many potential interview questions and topics I thought would be relevant, literally printed out several cheat sheets to help me get in the right head space. I also dressed super professional with a satin sage green button up and black slacks, took my piercings out, and did my hair a bit - I wanted to look my best and show that I am taking all of this very seriously.
The interview was about 30 minutes long and hardly any of the things I used to prepare with were used, so I was coming up with things on the spot. I spoke about my time volunteering at the hotline and my interviewer seemed to really like what I had to say. A few days later I received an acceptance email from the director of the program! I remember sitting in the car rider line at my sister's school just chatting with Tori on the phone. We were rambling about something and I noticed a notification from my email, I could not believe what I was reading when I checked. I remember saying "oh my god... oh my god! OH MY GOD!!" over and over again - just pure shock and joy. I eventually told Tori and many of my other friends and family. Word travelled far in my family, it felt so nice having everyone congratulate me and express how proud they are. I believe my grandma said I'm the first female to be getting a masters degree in the family, which made things even more sentimental. I'm incredibly fortunate to have this life, resources, and ability to reach such high goals like this. WOW!!!@
It was recently my sister and I's birthday! She was born on the 24th while I'm on the 30th of October, like a week apart and 15 yr age difference. She turned 10 and I 25 ｡◕ ‿ ◕｡ I'm so honored to watch my little sister grow into the little lady she is, but she will always always always be my baby!! I love seeing how her personality has grown, but god I wish I could hold her in my arms again like when she was itty bitty. It feels wild being 25 now. I honestly don't quite feel my age at the moment, I still very much feel freshly 24. That will probably change once I start my program and eventually begin my internship (SCARY!!!!). I celebrated my birthday and halloween at my favorite 80s darkwave goth club with my favorite people!! I dressed as Tiffany Valentine and Tori dressed as hot Chucky - we looked sooooo good together omg!! Everyone looked amazing!! The club got scarily packed, so we unfortunately left around midnight. I did not want to subject my group to that chaos, plus while I was holding Tori's hand through the crowd this random lady looked me dead in the eyes and said "you need to let go of your friend." SAY WHAT!?!??!! You want me to let go of my girl amongst this insane crowd of people?!?! She wasn't even nice about it, like 'hey can I pass through?' or something... Anyways, it was a great night and I got to mark having my birthday at my fav club off my bucket list. Alongside getting a year older, Corey and I celebrated our 2 yr anniversary in early September!! The summer time is the only time we aren't celebrating many things - Sept 2nd: anniversary / Oct 30th: birthday / Christmas / Jan 30th: Corey's birthday / Feb 14th: Valentine's day
To get a bit serious and a tad more personal, I've been having some mild health stuff going on since early September. I won't be giving details on what I've been dealing with, but it was really pushing the limits of my mental health. I felt incredibly low and the realization that the roots of my anxiety and OCD go much deeper than I thought. I have a very hard time sitting with uncertainty and not being able to have control over certain things. The process of getting help from various doctors has been a torturous waiting game for me. I'm trying to adapt and teach myself how to sit and exist with these big feelings. There are days or moments when I feel empowered to push through, but there are times when I have just cried for hours on end because I grieve the person I was before all of this physical and mental discomfort. The version of me that didn't have all of these worries and experiences, but alas that isn't very productive thinking because I obviously can't go back in time and I never knew any of this would happen - it's unavoidable to a degree. But I've been prevailing in the end - I got to therapy almost weekly, I adopt and use a crap ton of
coping mechanisms cause sometimes box breathing isn't gonna fix my existential crisis. I've found that bilateral tapping, sigh breathing, sensory stims, listening to Miley Cyrus, and painting have been very helpful in grounding me when I'm spiraling. I've been going for walks more and gently pushing myself to do various things that will make me feel good in the long run, like taking my supplements and cleaning my environment. It's all a process of learning and slowly overcoming. I must say I'm grateful and blessed that my health is mostly good, many of my results have come back clear of any major problems.In more recent news, Thanksgiving just passed and it was a great one! Corey and I spent the first half of the holiday with his side of the family, and then we drove over to my grandparent's to have dinner with my side of the family. We had such a great time with everyone, ugh! Core memory now! Prior to seeing our families, I had the urge to call my grandma, which I always feel, but I kept hesitating because I get so anxious talking on the phone. I've gotten A LOT better in recent years, but it's still hard when it's someone I don't see regularly. My grandma has lived states away for many years now, so I miss her extra around the holidays. I've been listening to christmas music constantly and my favorite song is Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee and one of my favorite lyrics is "everyone dancin' merrily" because my grandma's name is Merilee (◡‿◡✿) TLDR; everything makes me think about my grandma so I called her and told her how much I love her. She's an actual goddess to me, a queen. I have her eyes, her smile lines, her hands, part of her personality, her interests, etc. I strive to be like her in so many ways - so generous, kind, soft spoken, nosey lol, and gentle. For years we have joked that we're gonna move in together and have bunk beds. Words cannot and will never capture the love I have for her.
Alongside the love I have for my family, I also have a lot towards my friends. I'm grateful to be in a position where I've reconnected with some and I'm going into them with much more maturity and accountability. I hold a lot of regrets towards my past decisions that were coming from a place of avoidance that transformed into nasty resentment and unspoken hurt. Although I hate the outcomes of certain things due to hindsight, I still hold gratitude
towards them because it allowed me to have deep, productive discussions that gave me the opportunity to reflect. I learned to remove my ego and reactive emotions so that I can understand and grow with the people I care about, rather than against. I'm not perfect and there are still many things I have to see and learn, but I'm choosing to transform instead of remaining stagnant. It is often a painful process, but it is incredibly fulfilling in the end. With it being the end of the year, I've been very reflective of who I was at the beginning of the year versus now - I believe I'm better than who I was yesterday and the day before and the many days before that - for that I am proud. I hope I make others proud as well.
I'm all weepy eyed now lol anywho, I have new student orientation next week and it's making me realize just how close I am to starting my program. I'll be taking two classes for the first semester as a pre-requisite to the many other courses. I also signed up for some sociology courses for a certificate I'll be getting outside of the program, so things will be kinda busy which I'm looking forward to as it will give me even more structure to my daily life. I probably won't think this when I'm hours deep into studying, but I'm happy to be in an academic setting again. I'm hoping to connect with my superiors, professors, and classmates especially since I didn't do much of that during my four years in college. These peers will be doing similar things as me career wise, so connecting will be easier I hope.
I think that's about it for now. I'm looking
forward to christmas a lot this year cause I got my family such great gifts!! I hate having to wait, but it'll be worth it in the end. I got Corey and I a gingerbread house kit, so I'm also excited for that - our new annual holiday activity alongside seeing Christmas lights. I'm very thankful that Corey shares the festive spirit, he makes everything so much more magical (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)♡ Looking forward to having friendsgiving this friday with Corey and the people we love! We're doing it Talladega Nights style lol everyone is bringing some kind of fast food like they did in that movie. I hope to god we watch it while we all hang out UGH!!ALSO!! I've written some poetry since my last blog post, so go check that out >HERE< !!!! I have some things in the vault waiting to be revised a bit then published, be on the look out for more!! You can also check out the digital collages I make for most of my poems >HERE<
Thanks!!
talk soon,
xoxoxox