January 29, 2026 10:40PM
Feeling: happy and sad - finding the good despite it all
Songs: Balance and Composure - Midnight Zone & Wayside - Can You See It? (ft. Solfcult)
Feeling: happy and sad - finding the good despite it all
Songs: Balance and Composure - Midnight Zone & Wayside - Can You See It? (ft. Solfcult)
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HelloooooI hope you're doing alright, I've been feeling all over the place myself. The past two weeks have been a lot between school, my health, planning things, taking care of my sister, and other daily responsibilities. I'm not sure if I've written about it much or not, but I've been dealing with persistent health stuff since early september of last year. Things have gotten a tad better, but only to a point that's a little easier to manage. I deal with a lot of physical discomfort and it's very frusrating because pretty much all of my lab tests come back normal, so I have no idea why I'm experiencing such persistant discomfort. It goes up and down in severity, which I'm slightly grateful for cause it gives me some kind of break from the internal chaos for a little bit. I've considered and theorized so many possible reasons for this, but I can't let myself dive too deep into that cycle of thoughts - I have horrible OCD, especially health OCD/anxiety that was drastically skyrocketed when this whole situation with my health started. I've had to start teaching myself how to be much more mindful of the things I do to take care of myself, which has been a lot to navigate. With getting older (I turned 25 in late October last year) I'm realizing how I'm not invinvible and immortal like I once thought when I was younger. I have to be careful about what I put into my body so that I can live a long healthy life. It's a big adjustment that my best friend, Tori, warned me about. She's a few years older than me and she relayed her experiences to me and what she learned from turning 25. It's been almost three months since I turned 25 and I've already reflected and learned a lot - most of which were painful (not to sound like this is a completely universal experience - that's just what I endured). I'm just trying to do my best everyday. Trying to drop old habits and gain healthy ones. Trying to get back into my routine. Trying to find the beauty in a moment even when I feel like absolute crap. Trying to do what future me would appreciate. Trying to actually live despite it all.
My sista Tannir recently did these cool reflective prompts on her blog posts, which I was immediately inspired by so I wanted to answer a few here myself and perhaps make it an addition to my blog posts in the future. I'm kinda hoping it pushes me to post more cause I lovee journaling in general !!
Self-Reflection: Working with Your Weaknesses
Q: What mistake keeps coming back to your mind, and why?
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A: Many faults ofmy past come to mind daily, especially in recent time inrelation to some of the things I mentioned above. I think that's definitely natural and human to kind of be haunted by past mistakes that you feel regretful or ashamed of - to me that screams that you really care. For me, one thing that continues to come back to my mind is how I used to treat people. I am not a perfect person and I have said and done things that I regret. I also hold a level of appreication for all the things that have transpired because it has gotten me to this degree of empathy, understanding, and knowledge to know how I want and should conduct myself moving forward. I try to give myself a level of grace because I know all the past versions of me were dealing with a lot of inner turmoil. It's hard for me to let go of these mistakes and the shame because deep down I have such a perfectionist mindset and to do something wrong just eats me alive. I hate doing the wrong thing and upsetting people, but I also understand that life is full of mistakes that we can't always anticipate or plan for. I have a hard time with not having some kind of understanding or control over things - I hate uncertainty to my core! I feel like these fears live alongside the mistakes that swarm my mind all the time.Q: What do you struggle with that's teaching you something?
A: In addition to what I wrote above, I struggle with avoidance habits on almost all levels, like communicating, skin care, chores, homework, etc. I must preface that I have limits to this where I refuse to fail my courses or have a super dirty room, I just know ideally I could be doing more. I have a hard time with being strictly consistent with things. I'll go to the gym for a week, then avoid it for two months. I'll do my skin care routine for a week or two, then fall off of it the moment I don't feel like washing my face before bed. There was a time I used to be super consistent with these things and it felt great, but a lot happened since then and it has been such a struggle to get back up on that horse. Navigating it is a process and progress is not linear. Things take time and we're not always at our 100% best every single day. Some days I'm at 95%, while other days I'm more at 50%. With how life has been in the past few months, I can say my consistency and avoidance issues have gotten a bit better. I take care of my health more, make better choices that will make future me happy, I try to communicate my thoughts and feelings more, etc. Doing so has really improved my mental and physical health. It's given me better connections and experiencces with others.
Q: What would my younger self thank me for today?Child - Thank you for showing me that putting myself out there and making friends isn't as scary as I thought. I used to feel like the odd one out or the black sheep amongst my peers. I was the chubby girl who also happened to be the tallest in the class until junior high, so I always felt out of place. Thank you for showing me that I had a place and for finding the right people that want to hear and understand me for me. Thank you for slowing down and finding moments to connect with that inner child. Life gets overwhelming, so having that whimsy is a must! Thank you for always listening to yourself and creating safe spaces that allow me to thrive.
Teenager - Thank you for speaking up and seeking help from others when things feel bad. Thank you for not giving up when things felt rough. Thank you for working so hard to become licensed in my dream career (LPC). Thank you for building a better relationship with the family and others! I always wanted to be close, but felt so scared to do so. Thank you for showing that we can trust people and be vulnerable with them. Thank you for showing me that we can live and enjoy life while being sober.
Young Adult - Thank you for trusting the process while navigating the unknown. Thank you for learning how to communicate about things better, it has opened up so many doors of opportunities already! Thank you for choosing to listen to your gut rather than sweep things under the rug for later. Anxiety may live with us forever so we might as well learn how to coexist with it. Thank you for doing scary but beneficial things. Thank you for choosing a partner that wants to grow with you and achieve the same happy and healthy life as you! Thank you for never giving up so that I can see how life unfolds! Thank you for putting yourself out there despite being so nervous of failure and rejection. Thank you for maturing in a range of areas that has allowed me to be and do better for myself and others. Thank you for choosing to be open minded to change and growth. Thank you for always being curious about things and wanting to learn more!!
Okayy it's getting late and I have plans to go to Corey's house
tomorrow morning to decorate for his birthday ((-: Tori is gonna come help me, so I'm excited to see her! My mom decorates for my sister Addie and I's birthdays so I want to give Corey the same experience! He's having a little kickback birthday party with our whole friend group, so it's gonna be a great time! Saturday we're gonna celebrate with family then hang with friends to watch UFC 325 - which speaking of UFC, I am so SAD that Paddy Pimblett lost last weekend!!!! RAHH He's one of my top favorites so it hurt the soul, but he kept goin all five rounds - as a scouser does!! Alexander Volkanovski is fighting Diego Lopes tomorrow night, so I know Corey is very excited for that one, as am I! Never thought I'd be so invested in a sport, especially UFC, but I'm grateful cause it's given Corey and I something to bond and connect over all the time. Lowkey getting Tori into it too lolAnywho, now I'm getting off!!
January 14, 2026 7PM
Feeling: tired and kinda low, but optimistic
Songs: After - Cold (Crossfade cover) & Mad Kelly - Everybody's Enemy
Feeling: tired and kinda low, but optimistic
Songs: After - Cold (Crossfade cover) & Mad Kelly - Everybody's Enemy
Howdy partner, how's it goin'?? I hope all is well (-:
I'm doing decent, could be much worse so I'm thankful it's not. I've been feeling so tired, unmotivated, and a bit anxious the past handful of days. Yesterday was my first day of my masters program and it went well. My first class was lifespan development at 4pm and it made me sooooo much more sleepy than I already was, UGH! The first day was on zoom so I was cozy comfy in my room, which also made me even more tired. We did introductions and all of my classmates are so cool! Such a diverse group with so many different backgrounds and experiences. I wrote down a few names to remember so I can meet them in person next week when we go to campus. One person does art therapy, so I really want to connect with them since I also would like to become certified in art therapy when I become a licensed counselor. Another person has experience volunteering for a crisis hot line like me, so I want to connect with them about that too! We mostly just went over course expectations and semester schedule and all the first day of school kind of things.
My second class was orientation to counseling that started at 7pm, which at first I wasn't very excited for. The break between classes made me realize just how tired I was and how I didn't feel good, so I felt really low going into the meeting but my professor is the director for the whole program and he's SUPER funny, energetic, personable, empathetic, wise, informative, etc.! He really lifted my spirits and kept me going for the rest of the meeting, so I'm looking forward to our time for the rest of the semester. I really respect and admire his approach to things, I would like to have a similar way of being once I become an LPC. He is super encouraging as well, I feel like I'm in good hands and have a great support system within this program (-, : anywho, we went over similar things with the course expectations and stuff. So far I'm really liking all of the assignments for the semester. Lots of essays of course, but that's a given lol for one essay, I will have to take a quote or theme of a specific story and explain it to a hypothetical client that is in a certain stage of development, like adolesence or adulthood. The way you explain something to an adult isn't exactly the way you would for a child, so I have to be able to discuss and reflect on that. That's one thing I like about these courses is my professors really emphasize the importance of reflecting on things, so we have weekly journal prompts we have to respond to that we can look back on over our time in the program. I'm SUPERRRR into journaling, so this is right up my alley! Admittedly I am a bit overwhelmed by all the change and adjustment. I haven't been in school for about a year and a half, which I
don't think has THAT much of an impact but I didn't quite expect to have to adjust this much if that make sense??? I also have two courses for this environmental sociology psych certificate I'm trying to get on the side, so I'm gonna be like a full time student with four classes going on - it feels like a lot to take in after being in my usual routine for so long. I don't know, it's all to be expected and can be overcome. I just need to get into the groove of things and then everything else will fall into place like it should. I have lots of faith in myself that this semester will be great!
In other news, it was Tannir's birthday this last weekend!! Technically it was on monday, but we celebrated on sunday and it was sucha wonderful time together!! I sat with her and watched her open all of her presents, which there were MANY because she is so loved! I am SOOOOO bummed that I couldn't give her all of her gifts at once )))-, : I ordered things about a week or so ago, but they still haven't come UGH!! I won't spill the beans on what I got her in case she's reading this (HELLOOO!! ᵔᴗᵔ ) lol but she did get to see the metal hello kitty lunch box I got her! She likes the mustache trend aesthetic from like... what 2013??? I feel so old o(╥﹏╥)o but that ;unchbox is from that little era and I loved that trend omg I had a mustache duct tape wallet, mustache necklace, mustache everything! Anywho, I found the lunchbox while organizing my room and immediately though of Tannir (-: I also found my old tattoo chokers and gave them to her, felt like a better home for them. I also got her a Heathers movie shirt since it's one of her favorite movies. She said she really loved everything I got her and now I'm super excited for her to see the rest of the things I picked out! If only it would come in the mail alreadyyyy!!!!
Corey's birthday is coming up at the end of the month and I'm super excited for that - the big 25!! I have one really cool gift picked out for him (i'm kinda jealous tbh) but I still need to get him a few more things. I can't help but spoil him, he makes me so insanely happy!! I'm very lucky and blessed to have him by my side, so celebrating the day he came into this world is important to me! We're planning to celebrate with our friend group at his house and I want to try and make it super special for him because you're only 25 once! He deserves the best!
Things I'm thankful for right now:
- deep, vulnerable conversations with friends; the beauty in compassion and communication; getting weight off our chests
- the fact that when I have a problem I know i have the means to get it fixed
- gift giving!!! celebrating!!!
- drawing flowers and bugs in my journal
- working on my website; updating things!
- watching Fallout with Corey; weekends in general with Corey
- my mom calling me when she gets off work
- catching up with my little sister when I pick her up from school
- my new candle warmer
- starting my program
- having a therapist!
- taking better care of myself; gradually gaining better habits
- my mother-daughter journal with my mom
- my cats!
- coconut coffee
- apples & sunflower seeds
I'm doing decent, could be much worse so I'm thankful it's not. I've been feeling so tired, unmotivated, and a bit anxious the past handful of days. Yesterday was my first day of my masters program and it went well. My first class was lifespan development at 4pm and it made me sooooo much more sleepy than I already was, UGH! The first day was on zoom so I was cozy comfy in my room, which also made me even more tired. We did introductions and all of my classmates are so cool! Such a diverse group with so many different backgrounds and experiences. I wrote down a few names to remember so I can meet them in person next week when we go to campus. One person does art therapy, so I really want to connect with them since I also would like to become certified in art therapy when I become a licensed counselor. Another person has experience volunteering for a crisis hot line like me, so I want to connect with them about that too! We mostly just went over course expectations and semester schedule and all the first day of school kind of things.
My second class was orientation to counseling that started at 7pm, which at first I wasn't very excited for. The break between classes made me realize just how tired I was and how I didn't feel good, so I felt really low going into the meeting but my professor is the director for the whole program and he's SUPER funny, energetic, personable, empathetic, wise, informative, etc.! He really lifted my spirits and kept me going for the rest of the meeting, so I'm looking forward to our time for the rest of the semester. I really respect and admire his approach to things, I would like to have a similar way of being once I become an LPC. He is super encouraging as well, I feel like I'm in good hands and have a great support system within this program (-, : anywho, we went over similar things with the course expectations and stuff. So far I'm really liking all of the assignments for the semester. Lots of essays of course, but that's a given lol for one essay, I will have to take a quote or theme of a specific story and explain it to a hypothetical client that is in a certain stage of development, like adolesence or adulthood. The way you explain something to an adult isn't exactly the way you would for a child, so I have to be able to discuss and reflect on that. That's one thing I like about these courses is my professors really emphasize the importance of reflecting on things, so we have weekly journal prompts we have to respond to that we can look back on over our time in the program. I'm SUPERRRR into journaling, so this is right up my alley! Admittedly I am a bit overwhelmed by all the change and adjustment. I haven't been in school for about a year and a half, which I don't think has THAT much of an impact but I didn't quite expect to have to adjust this much if that make sense??? I also have two courses for this environmental sociology psych certificate I'm trying to get on the side, so I'm gonna be like a full time student with four classes going on - it feels like a lot to take in after being in my usual routine for so long. I don't know, it's all to be expected and can be overcome. I just need to get into the groove of things and then everything else will fall into place like it should. I have lots of faith in myself that this semester will be great!In other news, it was Tannir's birthday this last weekend!! Technically it was on monday, but we celebrated on sunday and it was sucha wonderful time together!! I sat with her and watched her open all of her presents, which there were MANY because she is so loved! I am SOOOOO bummed that I couldn't give her all of her gifts at once )))-, : I ordered things about a week or so ago, but they still haven't come UGH!! I won't spill the beans on what I got her in case she's reading this (HELLOOO!! ᵔᴗᵔ ) lol but she did get to see the metal hello kitty lunch box I got her! She likes the mustache trend aesthetic from like... what 2013??? I feel so old o(╥﹏╥)o but that ;unchbox is from that little era and I loved that trend omg I had a mustache duct tape wallet, mustache necklace, mustache everything! Anywho, I found the lunchbox while organizing my room and immediately though of Tannir (-: I also found my old tattoo chokers and gave them to her, felt like a better home for them. I also got her a Heathers movie shirt since it's one of her favorite movies. She said she really loved everything I got her and now I'm super excited for her to see the rest of the things I picked out! If only it would come in the mail alreadyyyy!!!!
Corey's birthday is coming up at the end of the month and I'm super excited for that - the big 25!! I have one really cool gift picked out for him (i'm kinda jealous tbh) but I still need to get him a few more things. I can't help but spoil him, he makes me so insanely happy!! I'm very lucky and blessed to have him by my side, so celebrating the day he came into this world is important to me! We're planning to celebrate with our friend group at his house and I want to try and make it super special for him because you're only 25 once! He deserves the best!
Things I'm thankful for right now:
- deep, vulnerable conversations with friends; the beauty in compassion and communication; getting weight off our chests
- the fact that when I have a problem I know i have the means to get it fixed
- gift giving!!! celebrating!!!
- drawing flowers and bugs in my journal
- working on my website; updating things!
- watching Fallout with Corey; weekends in general with Corey
- my mom calling me when she gets off work
- catching up with my little sister when I pick her up from school
- my new candle warmer
- starting my program
- having a therapist!
- taking better care of myself; gradually gaining better habits
- my mother-daughter journal with my mom
- my cats!
- coconut coffee
- apples & sunflower seeds
January 7, 2026
Feeling: VERY tired, but motivated
Songs: Aberdeen is Dead - Rock is Dead and You Killed It. & Now Always Fades - Into the Doldrums
Feeling: VERY tired, but motivated
Songs: Aberdeen is Dead - Rock is Dead and You Killed It. & Now Always Fades - Into the Doldrums
Hello Hello - Welcome to the new blog page for 2026!!!
I'm fairly content with how it looks right now, but that might change over time. Been working on various features of my website, especially my new homepage that should be up when this blog is posted. I've always been HEAVILY inspired by my best friend's website. I'm sure you've seen his site before since it's on the first page when browsing the list of special sauce neocities sites!! I feel so cool and honored that I know Bryce and that his work gets recognized daily (..◜ᴗ◝..) So yeah, I took a lot of inspiration from his MySpace themed homepage, as well as modern SpaceHey pages I found while looking for an aesthetic on Pinterest. Very pleased with how it's coming along. I adore my original homepage as it really reflected my interests and personality at the time with the ocean theme, but a few years have passed since I created it and it's starting to feel outdated. I want my website to represent my most current version of myself, so an update was desprately needed.
With the new year having arrived, I've been doing a TON of deep cleaning in my room so it feels right doing a revamp to my websiteas well. Everything feels refreshing now that I've reorganized and decluttered. I still need to tackle my closet (╥﹏╥) That's gonna be a whole event because I store EVERYTHING in there. I bought some storage bins to help make things more neat and tidy. I'm hoping to fill maybe a bag or two of donation clothes. Some things I'm VERY sentimental about and refuse to get rid of, but many things I'm able to let go of and it feels sooooo good doing so - like it's cleansing my environment and soul to part with what no longer serves me.
I start my masters program next tuesday and I'm both super
excited, but also very nervous. I keep reminding myself that being nervous is to be expected because it's a new journey with lots of new people, but I'm looking forward to mingling and connecting with my peers! My program directors were saying connection with your peers is a really useful resource to have while progressing through the program as it will help with navigating various areas of the work as a therapist.
In more recent news, Christmas and New Years was great!! Corey (my boyfriend) and I had a very busy holiday season with our family - did secret santa with my dad's side of the family on christmas eve, which was a super heartwarming having everyone together. They love and adore Corey, which makes me feel so so happy and proud!! I'm happy that they see what I see - that he's so kind, caring, outgoing, thoughtful, FUNNY, and super smart!
On our way home Corey and I looked at christmas lights on all the houses and had many laughs about the grinch being a criminal lol when we got back to his house we decided to open the gifts we got each other since we weren't sure when we would have time on christmas day. We got each other such great things!!!! I got him versace cologne, some plain acid wash shirts, screen cleaner cause he's a tech guy lol, and an RC toy boat!! He has this little santa RC boat that didn't go very fast, but he loved driving it around the big pond he has, so I bought him a FAST little red speed boat. He showed it off to his friends and now one of them is getting themselves a boat so they can race them together ˙ᵕ˙ FUNNNNN!!!! Corey got me the vinyl soundtrack to one of my fav movies - Dirty Dancing, a BEAUTIFUL necklace that has his birthstone on it, an accupunture pressure point mat, a flippin' Remi WOlf shirt (AhHHH!!), cute & fun earrings, some delicous smelling candles!! I really appreciate the effort he puts into getting me special things like that cause no other partner has paid that much attention to all my interests like that. I've had a lot of firsts with him, he makes the old bad stuff good and new again. NOW I CANT WAIT FOR HIS BDAY ON THE 30TH!!! I can't wait to celebrate him and give him more gifts!!! (we're exactly three months apart - oct 30th & jan 30th)
Christmas day was eventful and sentimental for us. Opened presents with my parents and little sister in the morning, which was so much fun. I got my dad a cooling fan that can clip to his belt for when he's mowing the lawn or doing projects outside! Got my mom a new book nook project - cafe street in paris themed! My little sister loves all the butterflies and vines in my room, so I got her similar decor for us to put up together in her room! Very thankful for the gifts I received, especially the mother-daughter journal that my mom got for her and I. At first I was like aww this is so cute, but then I noticed she filled out a few pages already and I immediately cried after reading a few things - like how nervous she felt bringing me home from the hospital when I was born, but that I was such a beautiful baby. Some moments she wrote something funny, other moments were vulnerable between us which means so much to me. She kept a journal when she was pregant with me and would write about her daily life and how excited she was to meet me. I read it here and there and it brings me to tears reading how much love she has for me before I even took my first breath. I absolutely adore my mom in a way that doesn't compare to anything else. I'm very nostalgic and sentimental, so having this physical journal that showcases our connection means more to me than anyone will ever know. ANYWHO lol not to get too sappy, this holiday season was extra special. I
kept telling everyone how thankfully every year has been great in the past, but this year was just extra wonderful and full of love. I'm in a strong and healthy relationship with the man of my dreams, I'm closer than ever with my family, I'm getting my masters degree and moving towards my dream job, I'm healthy mentally and physically, I've matured so much that it's allowed me to overcome obstacles and past differences, I have lovely friends and have reconnected with some in such a powerful and moving way, etc. I feel rich in life when I'm surrounded by so much love and support. Dear God, thank you ♥
Part of what made this holiday season extra special was having another christmas with Corey's side of the family. His dad and I have gotten closer and it means so much to me to have such a solid trusting foundation with him. He is so kind and accepting of me, I feel very at home when he's around. I really admire the relationship he has wth Corey, lets me know how wonderful of a father Corey will be one day. I believe last year I was introduced to his dad's girlfriend, Shawn, and her daughter, Tannir, and it's been such a blessing getting to know them and form all these memories together. I love and admire those two so much! Spending the evening with them on christmas day meant so much to me. As usual, Shawn and I had various deep and vulnerable conversatons about life, our values, experiences, etc. I appreciate having such discussions with another deep thinker, especially because she's a former therapist so she really understands me. Spent time with Tannir too! She got a perler bead kit for christmas, so we worked on that together & I made a little dragonfly. It's my lucky dragonfly now because it was crafted with love with one of my fav people! I got lovely gifts from them, one being a "Dear God, thank you" desk sign. Although I'm not super religious (I'm agnostic and don't quite know what to believe in), it meant a lot recieveing that from Shawn because these past few months have been so rough on my mental health. I was in a really dark place and it got to a point that I was praying to anything out there to show me some kind of mercy or give me strength to perservere. Shawn also said grace during Thanksgiving and christmas dinner and her words were very impactful for me, almost bringing me to tears because it was the love, support, and hope that I needed to hear at the time. Looking forward to more holidays and happy moments spent together ૮₍｡´ᴖ ˔ ᴖ`｡₎ა
Anywho, that is all for now. This weekend is Tannir's birthday and I'm really looking forward to giving her the gifts I picked out for her. Some of them might not get here on time )-,: but the main one is here that I'm REALLY excited for her to see! I hope she likes it! Also gonna go see my best friend Tori and her mom on friday so we can exchange christmas gifts. I'm looking forward to having some girl time with them, especially since last time we tried I wasn't feeling good at all and had to leave very early - booooo!!
Wishing you a happy new year that is filled with all the joy and success you're seeking, as well as all the hidden blessings life brings.
Take care!
Xoxo,
Tay ♥
I'm fairly content with how it looks right now, but that might change over time. Been working on various features of my website, especially my new homepage that should be up when this blog is posted. I've always been HEAVILY inspired by my best friend's website. I'm sure you've seen his site before since it's on the first page when browsing the list of special sauce neocities sites!! I feel so cool and honored that I know Bryce and that his work gets recognized daily (..◜ᴗ◝..) So yeah, I took a lot of inspiration from his MySpace themed homepage, as well as modern SpaceHey pages I found while looking for an aesthetic on Pinterest. Very pleased with how it's coming along. I adore my original homepage as it really reflected my interests and personality at the time with the ocean theme, but a few years have passed since I created it and it's starting to feel outdated. I want my website to represent my most current version of myself, so an update was desprately needed.
With the new year having arrived, I've been doing a TON of deep cleaning in my room so it feels right doing a revamp to my websiteas well. Everything feels refreshing now that I've reorganized and decluttered. I still need to tackle my closet (╥﹏╥) That's gonna be a whole event because I store EVERYTHING in there. I bought some storage bins to help make things more neat and tidy. I'm hoping to fill maybe a bag or two of donation clothes. Some things I'm VERY sentimental about and refuse to get rid of, but many things I'm able to let go of and it feels sooooo good doing so - like it's cleansing my environment and soul to part with what no longer serves me.
I start my masters program next tuesday and I'm both super
excited, but also very nervous. I keep reminding myself that being nervous is to be expected because it's a new journey with lots of new people, but I'm looking forward to mingling and connecting with my peers! My program directors were saying connection with your peers is a really useful resource to have while progressing through the program as it will help with navigating various areas of the work as a therapist. In more recent news, Christmas and New Years was great!! Corey (my boyfriend) and I had a very busy holiday season with our family - did secret santa with my dad's side of the family on christmas eve, which was a super heartwarming having everyone together. They love and adore Corey, which makes me feel so so happy and proud!! I'm happy that they see what I see - that he's so kind, caring, outgoing, thoughtful, FUNNY, and super smart!
On our way home Corey and I looked at christmas lights on all the houses and had many laughs about the grinch being a criminal lol when we got back to his house we decided to open the gifts we got each other since we weren't sure when we would have time on christmas day. We got each other such great things!!!! I got him versace cologne, some plain acid wash shirts, screen cleaner cause he's a tech guy lol, and an RC toy boat!! He has this little santa RC boat that didn't go very fast, but he loved driving it around the big pond he has, so I bought him a FAST little red speed boat. He showed it off to his friends and now one of them is getting themselves a boat so they can race them together ˙ᵕ˙ FUNNNNN!!!! Corey got me the vinyl soundtrack to one of my fav movies - Dirty Dancing, a BEAUTIFUL necklace that has his birthstone on it, an accupunture pressure point mat, a flippin' Remi WOlf shirt (AhHHH!!), cute & fun earrings, some delicous smelling candles!! I really appreciate the effort he puts into getting me special things like that cause no other partner has paid that much attention to all my interests like that. I've had a lot of firsts with him, he makes the old bad stuff good and new again. NOW I CANT WAIT FOR HIS BDAY ON THE 30TH!!! I can't wait to celebrate him and give him more gifts!!! (we're exactly three months apart - oct 30th & jan 30th)
Christmas day was eventful and sentimental for us. Opened presents with my parents and little sister in the morning, which was so much fun. I got my dad a cooling fan that can clip to his belt for when he's mowing the lawn or doing projects outside! Got my mom a new book nook project - cafe street in paris themed! My little sister loves all the butterflies and vines in my room, so I got her similar decor for us to put up together in her room! Very thankful for the gifts I received, especially the mother-daughter journal that my mom got for her and I. At first I was like aww this is so cute, but then I noticed she filled out a few pages already and I immediately cried after reading a few things - like how nervous she felt bringing me home from the hospital when I was born, but that I was such a beautiful baby. Some moments she wrote something funny, other moments were vulnerable between us which means so much to me. She kept a journal when she was pregant with me and would write about her daily life and how excited she was to meet me. I read it here and there and it brings me to tears reading how much love she has for me before I even took my first breath. I absolutely adore my mom in a way that doesn't compare to anything else. I'm very nostalgic and sentimental, so having this physical journal that showcases our connection means more to me than anyone will ever know. ANYWHO lol not to get too sappy, this holiday season was extra special. I
kept telling everyone how thankfully every year has been great in the past, but this year was just extra wonderful and full of love. I'm in a strong and healthy relationship with the man of my dreams, I'm closer than ever with my family, I'm getting my masters degree and moving towards my dream job, I'm healthy mentally and physically, I've matured so much that it's allowed me to overcome obstacles and past differences, I have lovely friends and have reconnected with some in such a powerful and moving way, etc. I feel rich in life when I'm surrounded by so much love and support. Dear God, thank you ♥Part of what made this holiday season extra special was having another christmas with Corey's side of the family. His dad and I have gotten closer and it means so much to me to have such a solid trusting foundation with him. He is so kind and accepting of me, I feel very at home when he's around. I really admire the relationship he has wth Corey, lets me know how wonderful of a father Corey will be one day. I believe last year I was introduced to his dad's girlfriend, Shawn, and her daughter, Tannir, and it's been such a blessing getting to know them and form all these memories together. I love and admire those two so much! Spending the evening with them on christmas day meant so much to me. As usual, Shawn and I had various deep and vulnerable conversatons about life, our values, experiences, etc. I appreciate having such discussions with another deep thinker, especially because she's a former therapist so she really understands me. Spent time with Tannir too! She got a perler bead kit for christmas, so we worked on that together & I made a little dragonfly. It's my lucky dragonfly now because it was crafted with love with one of my fav people! I got lovely gifts from them, one being a "Dear God, thank you" desk sign. Although I'm not super religious (I'm agnostic and don't quite know what to believe in), it meant a lot recieveing that from Shawn because these past few months have been so rough on my mental health. I was in a really dark place and it got to a point that I was praying to anything out there to show me some kind of mercy or give me strength to perservere. Shawn also said grace during Thanksgiving and christmas dinner and her words were very impactful for me, almost bringing me to tears because it was the love, support, and hope that I needed to hear at the time. Looking forward to more holidays and happy moments spent together ૮₍｡´ᴖ ˔ ᴖ`｡₎ა
Anywho, that is all for now. This weekend is Tannir's birthday and I'm really looking forward to giving her the gifts I picked out for her. Some of them might not get here on time )-,: but the main one is here that I'm REALLY excited for her to see! I hope she likes it! Also gonna go see my best friend Tori and her mom on friday so we can exchange christmas gifts. I'm looking forward to having some girl time with them, especially since last time we tried I wasn't feeling good at all and had to leave very early - booooo!!
Wishing you a happy new year that is filled with all the joy and success you're seeking, as well as all the hidden blessings life brings.
Take care!
Xoxo,
Tay ♥