Hello! I feel like so much has happened since I last posted, but at the same time I feel like NOTHING has happened. Lots of ups and downs between being very busy and very lazy.

So to start, I GOT SICK TWICE IN A ROW! I had mentioned the first time I got sick in my last post, which ended up taking me like a week and a half to finally start feeling better. Then my mom caught a cold from work and I immediately got it too omggg pure hell!! Thankfully I got over it within a week, but damn getting hit two times in a row was rough.

In the short time between getting sick again I had my first therapy session, which was mostly a consultion to see where I'm at on things and what my goals are. I was super stressed about potentially not liking my therapist, especially because my past experiences with other therapist were not the greatest. Thank the lord this woman is super nice and funny ommggg we immediately clicked and she was super into how prepared and self aware I was towards wanting guidance on things. Feeling very confident that she can help me process things and form that better version of myself (-:

I have such HORRIBLE health anxiety and I constantly think there are serious things wrong with me, so I ripped the band-aid off and decided to make an appointment with my lady doctor to get a well women's check up. Everything seemed to be falling into place once I made the appointment online, but the other day I got an appointment confirmation email that was immediately followed up with a voice mail from the office saying they couldn't do my original appointment date and that I need to reschedule. I called sooooo many times to reschedule and kept getting sent to their voice mail ughhh!!! Like girl I get you guys are busy, but not a single person picked up in the seven times I called over two days.... BUT today I called once again and finally got things handled. I usually HATE talking on the phone to make appointments and stuff, but lately I've just overcome this fear??? sorta?? I don't know, but I'm very proud of myself for adulting with severe anxiety weighing on my chest constantly.

In other news, I'm attending my very last day of class for the semester! I can't believe I'm graduating next month and moving into a new chapter of my life. I've been day dreaming about these goals for so long and to be getting closer and closer to them feels surreal, exciting, and scary. I'm excited to be making money that will be put towards moving out! Excited to find my own rhythm with living on my own! Excited to create a space that promotes further growth! It is going to be stressful annd overwhelming and exhausting, but it's also empowering and exhilarating. I'm also very excited to be going through these steps with my boyfriend, Corey !!

That is all for now (-: I'm gonna go home and take a longggg nap. I've been super into watching Evil (Michael Emerson is a terrifying man) and that new Fallout show (Michael is everywhere... help!). Crazy how the fallout universe has become super popular again, but no amount of attention will ever make Fallout 76 interesting and playable!!

K byeeee,
   Tay xoxox

Howdy there! Long time, no blog!

I've been sick for the past two weeks and I'm finally starting to feel better. About two weeks ago I had met up with my lovely friend Cam and their sister, Lyndsey. It was my first time meeting Lyndsey and omggg I love her so much AHHH!! Truly my missing puzzle piece, life now feels more complete. I'm like Thanos with the infinity stones, I just keep collecting all these amazing people (-,: Anyways, while hanging out we got on the topic of no nicotine vapes and they had showed me this herbal (?) no nic vape that Lyndsey said tastes like jasmine. Of course I had to take a hit and that is where I made my mistake LOL it tasted like grape for one, but two - Cam thought they had gotten over a recent cold, but unfortunately I caught said cold. DEAR GOD it was kinda rough!! My physical symptoms, like the congestion and cough, weren't that bad but the brain fog, fatigue, and overall weakness was pretty crazy. The last time I got sick was maybe two or so years ago when I had caught covid for the first and only time (thank the lord) and that wasn't tooo bad, so this was on par with that.

The SHITTY part about all of this was I couldn't see my boyfriend )))-,: He stopped by in the beginning to delivery me some meds and yummy subway - my sweet mans is always takin' care of me! But I kept my distance and quarantined so he wouldn't get sick too.

In the midst of being sick, my long-time friend Bryce was in the process of packing up and moving to another state so OF COURSE I had to see him and say my goodbyes ))-: We met up for lunch and ended up talking in my car for HOURS!! It was very cleansing, therapeutic, healing, and gave me closure in some ways. I've been reflecting on life a lot lately, which has resulted in me feeling all sorts of ways. Like duh I've been growing up for years now, but the reality of it all has been setting in hardcore - especially after seeing my friend leave to start a new chapter in their life. I'm finishing school super soon, starting therapy again, and making all the moves to get my career in order (somehow idk what I'm doing ever tbh).

As scary as life is with its endless changes and bumps in the road, I'm still excited to move through it. I'm excited to see how I overcome things and how it encourages my growth. I hope it allows me to learn how to become more secure and comfortable with the unknown - that's what scares me the most.

On a more recent note, Corey and I watched Roadhouse today and I give it like an 8 or 8.5/10 - a huge part of that is due to Conor McGregor looking fuckin' crazyyyy, like coked out ready to kill crazy lol I loved it! In the beginning of our relationship Corey had told me one of his hobbies is UFC, so as a supportive girlfriend I immediately started learning some things about that world so I could understand the things he tells me better. I WASN"T EXPECTING TO BECOME FULLY INVESTED and now I get UFC videos all over my social media feed !!! I knew I was in deep when I searched all over tik tok looking for someone streaming the 299 O'Malley v. Vera fight - ended up watching the whole thing in SPANISH!! was sick as fuck though.

anywayyyys, I'm gonna go eat some yummy eggs that my little sister and I decorated for easter ((-: gonna try watching more of The Boys (corey also got me into that - I'm a changed woman now because of him, can't complain) I'm only on the second episode but damn its crazy already!!

BYE LOVELIESSS XOXOXO

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Currently in my gender identity psych class lol we're watching a movie on how children understand gender labeling and stereotypes - very interesting, but I'm too tired to fully pay attention so you know the drill lmao time to blog!!

Anyways, little update! This past weekend my boyfriend and I had a lovely time away to celebrate the lovey dovey holiday. He had rented us a reallllly nice airbnb, got me SO MANY heartfelt gifts - I'm so spoiled. One of the gifts he got me was this heart shaped glass-like figurine that had an engraved picture of us from our first concert on the inside. He also had a sweet quote engraved next to the picture that says, "music sounds better when I'm with you, and I never want to miss a beat" OH MY GOD the amount of crying I did ahhhhh!! It also came with a little light up stand, so I love having it on to add some color to my room! He also got me TWO cards, one was labeled "cool card" and it was a bouqet of roses that popped up when you open it. He thought it was really pretty so he had to get it for me, duhhh! The other one was labeled "sweet card" and he had written THE SWEETEST LITTLE LETTER for me inside - this almost made me ugly cry. Of course he got me flowers, which I have been obsessed with omg they smell soooo good. SOme of them have started withering, like the hydrangeas, so I've started the flower pressing and drying process. I bundled up the roses and hung them up on my wall - I hope they dry out nicely.

While at the airbnb, we watched movies and goofed around a bunch. We closed off the outside world, so it felt so nice just existing together. I kept day dreaming about how it would be to live together after spending the whole weekend with each other. That's a goal for much further down the road, but it's still sweet to think about. The house was quite small and we kept talking about how we could make it work and how the open layout was really nice.

Sunday morning, Corey got up early to cook me breakfast. He woke me up with lots of kisses and an already made plate of eggs, bacon, and toast (my fav). He did such a good job, everything was SO YUMMY!! The night before, he had bought us tickets to the aquarium and omfg I was SO EXCITED!!! I got all dolled up and felt soooo cute (-,: Corey looked so handsome too! I got him a matching ring and necklace set that he wore on our little date!

While at the aquarium, we saw penguins, sharks, seals, rays, starfish, and soooo much more! I was FREAKING TF OUT over the sharks - they swam up super close to the glass a few times which was crazyyy to see! Every since I was little, I have always been obsessed with sharks and I frequently have said I want to swim with them at some point in my life. No idea if that will happen though, def insane but who knows. We also got to see some jelly fish!! They had a ton of moon jellies, which is one of my favorites as well. There were a ton of other fish, but I had no clue what they were besides the clown fish (Nemo) and the blue tangs (Dory). I was hoping to see an octopus or some sea horses, but they didn't have any unfortunately. I believe we also saw some nursing sharks - they were so pretty!! Once we were done, we went to the gift shop and got a few things. Corey found a SICK octopus necklace and I found the cutest sea horse necklace and jelly fish hanging decor that I LOVEE!! We were there for like... 2 hours?? idk but we both got hit with a wave of tired and decided to get lunch and go home.

This is when the sucky part happened... We got some Sonic since it was the easiest to get. I was so excited to eat my popcorn chicken and fries ughhh, but after eating like half of it I started feeling sooo gross inside. Corey left to get me ibuprofen, which helped for a while but then I got REALLY nauseous and anxious. I'm SUCH a cry baby and will get emotional over just about anything (I be cryin' when I miss corey too much) and of course I ended up crying about my upset stomach. We had plans for Corey to cook us burgers for dinner, but because I didn't feel good and nothing was going to plan, I just cried lol bless Corey and all his patience cause I was such a mess. He was so sweet, understanding, and gentle with me through it all. We tried tums, but that didn't really help. We watched the whole super bowl (usher's performance was actually soooo cool omg - h.e.r. really popped off on that guitar) and i STILL did not feel good. Corey was like, "we've tried just about everything hon... I think you're gonna have to get everything out of your stomach. I know you don't want to, but it's been hours..." I agreed and proceeded to barf lol it was TRAUMATIC! I felt kinda better, but still not that great. I was even more anxious because at this point it's almost midnight and we needed to get up early the next day to clean the place up and leave before checkout @ 11am. ALL OF THE SUDDEN I remembered I had Dramamine in my purse.... I told Corey and he was just like SMH really?!? I took it and didn't feel that much better, but it made me sleepy enough to not feel so anxious and allowed me to actually sleep for a few hours. It wasn't until maybe two or so days later that I actually started to feel normal again. My whole body was sore from being so tense and upset ugh! Corey and I are pretty convinced that the Sonic is what messed me up cause he said he also felt kinda gross on the inside after eating it, just not as bad as me lol.

Besides being held hostage by my stomach and being a complete crybaby, I still had SUCH AN AMAZING TIME AHHH!!!! Corey went above and beyond to make this weekend happen for us, so I'm forever grateful for that. This is the type of treatment I have always dreamed about. I can't lie, I love that princess treatment from him lol but I also make sure to spoil him as much as I can. I forgot to mention that I wrote a FIVE page love letter to him with a bunch of kisses all over the pages! He loved it and def shed a few tears afterwards (-,: he's so sweet. We constantly give each other everything we've ever wanted and so much more - always healing various parts of each other. I'm very lucky to have a man like him. On actual Valentine's Day, Corey had to work a late shift so he came over a few hours beforehand and we had very yummyyy chick-fil-a! Thir siracha sauce is literal crack!! Afterwards, we watched more of this HILARIOUS Half Life series that I found years ago and randomly decided to show Corey. We eventually got sleeepy and took the best nap ever ugh!

Anyways, class is almost over so I must go! I'm prob gonna get a little loosey goosey and binge watch more Grey's Anatomy. I'm likeeee half way through season 11 and UGH so much has happened. I'm gonna be left feeling sad and empty when I finally finish the whole show - what will I hyper fixate on next??

OKAY BYEEEE,
     X0XxOXo Tay